Reverend Father, I am a parent and some doubts have arisen regarding my children’s behavior during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. I have formulated some questions which I ask you to answer so that I may know what to do.
Father, do small children and babies benefit from the Mass?
Of course they do. Every baptized faithful, even a nursing infant, receives heavenly graces when approaching the Holy Sacrifice with the proper dispositions.
Do babies who sleep during the Mass benefit from it?
Certainly they do, for the faithful benefit by fulfilling their proper dispositions. In the case of a baby, their state of life seems to consist solely in eating, sleeping, and behaving well.
Do older children who play during the Mass benefit from it?
Not as much, since their duty as baptized persons is to show reverence to divine worship, which is clearly not demonstrated by playing and acting up.
My children need to learn how to behave and participate in the Mass. I know I am obligated to teach and correct them if needed. However, by watching them I miss the Mass and feel I am not fulfilling the Sunday precept. What should I do?
First, you must take care of your children and try to teach them to behave as the Good God demands. You must also fulfill the duties of your state in life in order to receive the graces of the Holy Sacrifice. If you do not care for your children, you are not fulfilling your duty of state, and therefore do not receive all the graces you should from the Holy Sacrifice. Moreover, you also prevent others from fulfilling the precept.
What should I do when my baby, despite my efforts, does not stop crying during the Mass and distracts others?
Children must be taught to behave during Holy Mass by being prepared beforehand. The most frequent mistake parents make is that when the baby begins to fuss, after trying to calm him down—distracting everyone around—they end up taking him outside. Children must be prepared for Holy Mass! A reminder for parents: little children still don’t understand—they are highly dependent on their sensory impressions.
You can help a baby behave in the chapel by finding a more comfortable place for them inside. Let me explain: parents remove their baby from a comfortable place (their home), bundle them up like an Eskimo to take them outside (the child is still comfortable), and bring them to the chapel. There, they remove the coat and the child understands it’s time to play... As they grow older, they already know that if they cry or throw a tantrum, their parents will take them to the courtyard (a more comfortable place) where they can play…
Dear Mom: Have you ever wondered why children cry less in the chapel when it’s cold outside?
Elementary: children want to feel comfortable! I knew a mother who understood these principles and made two practical resolutions, which proved highly effective with her small children:
First: she took her baby with minimal clothing to the chapel and the baby arrived shivering in the vestibule. Upon entering, the mother would wrap him up properly, give him a kiss and calm him down. Oh surprise! The baby wanted to stay inside! And if the baby started fussing, this “cruel and heartless” mother would remove his coat and after a small spanking, discipline him. Oh surprise! The baby no longer wanted to leave! This “barbaric and heartless” mother raised several children who behave like a battalion of order during Mass.
This takes effort and obedience. A spoiled child, whose parents did not teach him to obey and have self-control (even with proper correction), will not suddenly understand that he must be quiet and orderly in church. Unfortunately, in the chapel we only see a fraction of what parents have (or fail to have) in their homes...
To keep my child calm, I bring toys to entertain him during Mass or cookies and candy for him to eat. Am I doing the right thing?
If it’s a small child, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with it, but sometimes we see older children who know perfectly well that mom’s bag is full of fun and practically prepare for a picnic when they go to church.
When my child gets restless and noisy, I go to the back of the chapel so I can still attend Mass and my child can cry without being heard. Am I right?
You obviously have hearing issues, because I can assure you that your child’s whining and crying are nearly stereophonic.
I have great devotion and sometimes while I’m praying, my children play or even run around the chapel. What should I do? I feel torn between attending to God or to my children.
The only thing I can tell you is that your devotion is rather superficial and false, since true and solid piety is based on fulfilling the duties of one’s state in life. In other words: if you don’t fulfill your duty to care for your children, your piety is worthless.
Since my children are very playful, I sit in the last pew so I can attend Mass while they run and play freely. Am I right?
It would be better to ask the other faithful nearby...
I know my child is a bit cranky, but I call his attention and he ignores me. He’s already four and still hasn’t learned to stay quiet during Mass. What should I do?
First, you should make an examination of conscience over the past four years regarding your duty as a father to raise your child in a Christian manner.
Second, start taking different measures if you want different results… perhaps begin by finding a place where your child can see what’s happening on the altar (don’t forget your child is 80 cm shorter than you), get some pictures or holy cards to help explain to your child some of the mysteries taking place, teach and help your little ones to talk to the Good God (just because they mumble the “Our Father” and the “Hail Mary” doesn’t mean they know how to pray). Make sure your children can attend the “High Mass” (sung Mass); nothing is more beautiful for a child than to sing the church’s songs at full voice. And as soon as possible (keep in mind children grow quickly), talk to the priest about including your child in the altar server group.
My married son/daughter does not regularly attend Mass. I am worried about my grandson’s salvation and have taken on the task of bringing him to Mass. The problem is that, like any baby, he makes noise, and I am aware that sometimes he distracts others, including the priest. What should I do?
Let’s take it step by step: first, when you bring your grandson or any child to Mass, you take responsibility for their behavior during the Holy Sacrifice. You must teach them how to attend such a great mystery properly in order to obtain graces for their soul. Secondly, if your little one—or anyone else—is a distraction to the priest, you must take proper action, because that could be a serious fault.
When I go to Communion, my children follow me to the Communion rail. I seem to fall into ecstasy, because while I am in line and also returning to our place, the children run and play around me. Of course, I hardly notice… Am I becoming a saint?
The only thing I can tell you is that your devotion is rather superficial and false, since true and solid piety is based on fulfilling the duties of one’s state in life. In other words: if you don’t fulfill your duty to care for your children, your piety is worthless.
Source: Priestly Fraternity of Saint Pius X – Mexico – Translation: Dominus Est
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